annoyance.

a

n⋅noy⋅ance

    [uh-noi-uhns]  Show IPA

–noun

1.	a person or thing that annoys; nuisance: Unwanted visitors are an annoyance.

2.	an act or instance of annoying.

3.	the feeling of being annoyed.

I feel that I have spent too much time wandering.  You would think that after my time with YWAM, I would have a better grasp on who God really is and know Him on all intimate levels.  Wrong.   Of course I know who God is, but I want to Know him on that best friend level again.   It is so important to maintain that relationship.  It is something that over the past year and a half I have struggled with.  At times, it feels like He is the one holding the relationship together and I am the one dragging it down.  I need counseling.  Ha.

I am at a place in my life where I know where I want to be but am still immature in my spirit.  I am lazy and rebellious.  God loves to test me.  Sometimes I think its annoying.  Often times, I feel like a failure in His eyes.  I know this is not of God.  

A couple of weeks ago, God spoke to me on my run.  He literally brought tears down my face.  I always have problems with my headphones about 85% of the time since my ears are small.  I usually end up with only one headphone in because of my frustration.  Early on in my run, I couldn't keep both headphones in, so I resulted in keeping only one in.  I put my ipod on shuffle, skipping songs until I was satisfied ... usually listening to hip hop or something upbeat.  I ran 6 miles that day and on the last mile, a worship song came on.  I don't even remember what song it was.  I so badly wanted to use both headphones in so I figured I could make it work for the last few minutes of my run.  I put the other headphone in and immediately God spoke, "This is what you could be hearing."  It was as if he was saying, "This is what you have been missing out on and I been here waiting."  When one headphone is in, the quality of the sound lacks; however, when both headphones are in, music sounds amazing!  Seriously, after this all happened, I could really hear the "AWE" effect.  You know the holy one.  :)  Tears started pouring down my face and I raise my hands as I was running.  Ha.  People driving past Ruby Hills must have thought I was a freak.  

I love that God never fails to show who He is and how much He loves us.  So often, I think most forget and only letting it rest on the back of our minds.  I am guilty of this.  For sure.